it has officially been FOREVER since my last update.
it's sad to say i've become a tumblr kind of person.
spending my free time painting over math text books and rebloging interior design and photography posts.
idk what i want with my life, that much is still true.
i've got a bf, who is a virgin and a year younger than me, and fuck it, i have no idea why i'm with him other than the fact that he is MAD sexy and hilarious. He's too much fun to be around, even though he constantly makes me feel like complete and utter shit.
i guess it's alright, though.
Um, idk. Things are kind of crazy.
i'm Buddhist now, or well, trying to be. living in simplicity, living with inner peace. Trying to let go of hope and desire and suffering.
that last part has a lot to do with why i'm not online that much. or that when i AM, i just have two tabs open, the Design*Sponge blog and it's all in my head's tumblr.
so yeah, that's that. this is this.
i'm lost but it doesn't matter as much anymore.
because i'm happy, i try my hardest at what i do, and that is all that matters.
i should get dressed now.
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--- luckyduck_08 wrote:
> "D4N is:
> -extremely open minded"
> you should probably erase that. but i realize now why my entry offended you as much as it did, i'm an amateur little photographer whereas you have your fancy camera that could record the vents of a catastrophe. my bad.
> have the balls to reply to this
are you serious?
being open minded and not enjoying bullshit entries fishing for *hugs* and pity on a community that is supposed to promote self expression and art, are two whole different issues.
you entry didn't "offend" me. It's just annoying. there are communities for that kind of shit, where people will tell you what you want to hear, and give you your *hugs* and fake pity.
And don't try and patronize me here, with my "fancy camera?"
you've obviously JUST joined the comm. otherwise, you'd know that everyone's an amateur. some people just have NO TASTE.
the way you took your pictures proves that.
and i know this comm. isn't just for artsy stuff.
"your comment expressed nothing more but a bitter remark from an ignorant guy who has probably only experienced sunshine and rainbows."
first off, i'm not a guy.
second, bitter? really?
ignorant? i was a cutter, i know what you are doing, its not helping you, it's not helping anyone out there, because, obviously, you are doing it for attention.
sunshine and rainbows? right. I have bpd. and b/c i'm guessing you are way too lazy to google it, i'll go ahead and tell you that it sure beats the hell of whatever stupid little problems are leading you to SI. even if it's just for some internet attention.
have the balls to make it public.
its all for attention anyway, isn't it?
i don't feel sorry for you. and guess what. no one really does.
posthocproducto (03:49:41 p.m.): sometimes I forget what level we're on, and I act on my own assumptions.
Dandan1919 (03:50:35 p.m.): in what sense?
posthocproducto (03:53:20 p.m.): hmmmm...
posthocproducto (03:53:33 p.m.): I can't really explain.
posthocproducto (03:53:57 p.m.): like, there's a fine line between two types of conversation, that doesn't exist when you and I talk.
posthocproducto (03:54:19 p.m.): don't get me wrong...but I still feel as if its September.
Dandan1919 (03:55:00 p.m.): what month are we in?
posthocproducto (03:55:09 p.m.): March?
Dandan1919 (03:55:18 p.m.): wow
Dandan1919 (03:55:28 p.m.): why do we always have these deep conversations when i'm really out of it
Dandan1919 (03:55:31 p.m.): fuck
Dandan1919 (03:55:50 p.m.): did i tell you what happened september?
posthocproducto (03:55:53 p.m.): damn kid, what did the doctor order today?
Dandan1919 (03:55:59 p.m.): same as always
posthocproducto (03:56:17 p.m.): no, tell me what happened in september?
Dandan1919 (03:56:32 p.m.): no
Dandan1919 (03:56:34 p.m.): i can't
Dandan1919 (03:56:37 p.m.): well
Dandan1919 (03:56:38 p.m.): i can
Dandan1919 (03:56:39 p.m.): but i can't
Dandan1919 (03:56:43 p.m.): cuz like
Dandan1919 (03:56:46 p.m.): noone knowss mann
Dandan1919 (03:56:50 p.m.): well
Dandan1919 (03:56:52 p.m.): people know
Dandan1919 (03:56:52 p.m.): but
Dandan1919 (03:56:53 p.m.): like
Dandan1919 (03:56:54 p.m.): 3 people
Dandan1919 (03:56:55 p.m.): in
Dandan1919 (03:56:58 p.m.): the whole world
posthocproducto (03:57:20 p.m.): tell me, my record is relatively clean.
Dandan1919 (03:58:37 p.m.): what record?
Dandan1919 (03:58:40 p.m.): fuck
posthocproducto (03:58:53 p.m.): record of keeping shit to myself?
Dandan1919 (03:58:56 p.m.): ah
Dandan1919 (03:59:09 p.m.): it's not cool that people, know though
posthocproducto (03:59:29 p.m.): well you don't have to tell me man
posthocproducto (03:59:31 p.m.): its all cool
Dandan1919 (03:59:33 p.m.): ok
Dandan1919 (03:59:39 p.m.): i will eventually
Dandan1919 (03:59:40 p.m.): i mean
Dandan1919 (03:59:49 p.m.): i'ts like the POINT
Dandan1919 (03:59:55 p.m.): i'm supposed to tell people
Dandan1919 (03:59:57 p.m.): wheni get better
Dandan1919 (03:59:59 p.m.): but
Dandan1919 (04:00:00 p.m.): i guess
Dandan1919 (04:00:02 p.m.): i'm not better
Dandan1919 (04:00:07 p.m.): but i am
posthocproducto (04:00:22 p.m.): dude, I love you
posthocproducto (04:00:27 p.m.): but you're making no sense
Dandan1919 (04:00:28 p.m.): i love you too
Dandan1919 (04:02:13 p.m.): wait
Dandan1919 (04:02:18 p.m.): i'm not supposed to tell you that
Dandan1919 (04:02:19 p.m.): fuck
Dandan1919 (04:02:21 p.m.): FUCK
Dandan1919 (04:02:25 p.m.): i'm going back to rehab.
posthocproducto (04:02:43 p.m.): is this why you're going back to peru?
posthocproducto (04:03:56 p.m.): dude, I could care less if you're going to be institutionalized.
Dandan1919 (04:04:16 p.m.): LOL
Dandan1919 (04:04:20 p.m.): i'm not going to be institutionalized
Dandan1919 (04:04:23 p.m.): no
posthocproducto (04:04:24 p.m.): As long as you're alive, you're D4N, you're coming back to eat Checkers with me something in the next couple years.
posthocproducto (04:04:28 p.m.): I'm a happy fucking man
Dandan1919 (04:04:33 p.m.): i'm going back tperu cuz aim tired of france
Dandan1919 (04:04:44 p.m.): but when i get there
Dandan1919 (04:04:55 p.m.): im gonna get put back in
Dandan1919 (04:04:56 p.m.): i know it
ATTENTION (04:05:01 p.m.): Transfer complete: Future Funk Mixtape (Subharmony).mp3.
Dandan1919 (04:05:05 p.m.): it's DONE
posthocproducto (04:05:24 p.m.): I don't mean to be Mr. Cliche here.
posthocproducto (04:05:30 p.m.): but I hope my shit helps.
Dandan1919 (04:05:35 p.m.): it always does
posthocproducto (04:05:52 p.m.): in every stint, period of bad vibes, and instances of oh fuck
Dandan1919 (04:05:52 p.m.): i've heard wwasaf 7 like 30 times in the past week man
posthocproducto (04:06:54 p.m.): today's work features works about OxyContin, and love through technology.
posthocproducto (04:07:00 p.m.): its all appropriate.
Dandan1919 (04:07:00 p.m.): have i apologized yet?
Dandan1919 (04:07:06 p.m.): yay
posthocproducto (04:07:34 p.m.): why on earth do you need to apologize?
Dandan1919 (04:07:43 p.m.): LOLOLOLOLOL
Dandan1919 (04:07:49 p.m.): for like everything?
posthocproducto (04:08:07 p.m.): damn kid the bars have you confused.
posthocproducto (04:08:12 p.m.): the asshole here, is me.
posthocproducto (04:08:17 p.m.): always has.
Dandan1919 (04:08:37 p.m.): mb it was the coke that med mee feel like the center of it all
Dandan1919 (04:08:47 p.m.): but i always thought i fucked everything up
Dandan1919 (04:08:53 p.m.): aside from YOUR fuck ups
posthocproducto (04:09:04 p.m.): you never fucked up anything.
posthocproducto (04:09:26 p.m.): but going through another 3 week period of not talking to you might rip me to shreds
Dandan1919 (04:09:36 p.m.): :4
Dandan1919 (04:09:38 p.m.): :3**
Dandan1919 (04:10:34 p.m.): its good that you get me
Dandan1919 (04:10:37 p.m.): cuz i don't
Dandan1919 (04:10:46 p.m.): if you
Dandan1919 (04:10:47 p.m.): do, that is
Dandan1919 (04:10:49 p.m.): if you don't
Dandan1919 (04:10:54 p.m.): just nvm.
posthocproducto (04:11:28 p.m.): another thing thats going to rip me to shreds, is the shit they'll try to feed you about letting go.
posthocproducto (04:11:30 p.m.): about cutting ties.
posthocproducto (04:11:35 p.m.): removing yourself.
Dandan1919 (04:11:37 p.m.): yeah
Dandan1919 (04:11:46 p.m.): i already told them to fuck off
Dandan1919 (04:11:47 p.m.): on that
Dandan1919 (04:11:53 p.m.): i tried it too
Dandan1919 (04:11:54 p.m.): for a while
Dandan1919 (04:12:00 p.m.): did i tell you about it?
Dandan1919 (04:12:03 p.m.): fuck
Dandan1919 (04:12:04 p.m.): idr
posthocproducto (04:12:45 p.m.): when you get back, we're buying a quarter, and we're going to sit in my backyard.
posthocproducto (04:12:50 p.m.): and talk about fucking everything.
Dandan1919 (04:13:19 p.m.):
Dandan1919 (04:13:21 p.m.): YES
posthocproducto (04:14:15 p.m.): 345 days ago, I sat in my happy ass in a park, which they have since closed off.
posthocproducto (04:14:22 p.m.): sat like a loser, stole internet.
posthocproducto (04:14:26 p.m.): lit a joint.
posthocproducto (04:14:34 p.m.): and poured my fucking heart out.
posthocproducto (04:14:41 p.m.): to someone in the Southern Hemisphere.
posthocproducto (04:14:56 p.m.): and to that moment, I owe my life to.
posthocproducto (04:14:58 p.m.): I owe everything to.
Dandan1919 (04:15:00 p.m.): can you save this?
Dandan1919 (04:15:03 p.m.): so i can remember it
Dandan1919 (04:15:11 p.m.): <3
Dandan1919 (04:15:16 p.m.): if i do
Dandan1919 (04:15:22 p.m.): i won't know i did
posthocproducto (04:15:42 p.m.): the funny thing is man
posthocproducto (04:15:46 p.m.): I remember everything
Dandan1919 (04:15:59 p.m.): i wiswh i did
posthocproducto (04:16:29 p.m.): I remember laying down in steve-o's room, party in full swing behind me, talking to you.
posthocproducto (04:17:09 p.m.): sometimes man... I feel like I've given you everything.
posthocproducto (04:17:12 p.m.): and that it isn't enough.
posthocproducto (04:17:27 p.m.): I'm not always perfect, but somehow shit has always worked out between us.
posthocproducto (04:17:41 p.m.): that shit is chill, things each an equilibrium.
Dandan1919 (04:17:51 p.m.): balance
posthocproducto (04:17:52 p.m.): that balance
Dandan1919 (04:17:53 p.m.): man
posthocproducto (04:17:56 p.m.): damn
posthocproducto (04:17:57 p.m.): kid
Dandan1919 (04:17:57 p.m.): it's about the balance
Dandan1919 (04:18:15 p.m.): which will soon enough be tattooed on my lip
Dandan1919 (04:18:20 p.m.): inside*
posthocproducto (04:18:32 p.m.): as horrible and wobbly as we are, the tangents that we lead
posthocproducto (04:18:36 p.m.): reach balance together.
posthocproducto (04:19:26 p.m.): perfection and bliss, have alway been the supplements to balance.
posthocproducto (04:19:46 p.m.): and somehow, you and I both know that regardless of what might be going on around us
posthocproducto (04:20:09 p.m.): the internet has held a very interesting saga over the past year and 3 months.
posthocproducto (04:20:17 p.m.): and things haven't changed one bit.
posthocproducto (04:20:37 p.m.): they've been at a perfect balance from the beginning, no matter what we do to fuck it up.
posthocproducto (04:20:47 p.m.): this level, will always remain constant.
posthocproducto (04:21:13 p.m.): and if it isn't constant, it will make itself constant in due time.
posthocproducto (04:21:21 p.m.): nature is balance, we are balance.
posthocproducto (04:21:59 p.m.): apply that to everything that has happened between us over the past 15 months.
posthocproducto (04:22:04 p.m.): it all makes sense.
Dandan1919 (04:22:10 p.m.): yah
posthocproducto (04:22:37 p.m.): damn, I probably gave you a little too much to digest at the moment.
Dandan1919 (04:22:43 p.m.): yah
posthocproducto (04:22:57 p.m.): save that shit.
posthocproducto (04:23:04 p.m.): read it on the plane.
posthocproducto (04:23:11 p.m.): read it in whatever facility you might be in.
posthocproducto (04:23:18 p.m.): and tell me that doesn't make sense.
Dandan1919 (04:23:33 p.m.): i'm cpopasting it onto lj
Dandan1919 (04:23:42 p.m.): so i can't foreget where i put it
Dandan1919 (04:23:45 p.m.): remind me
Dandan1919 (04:23:48 p.m.): just incase man
posthocproducto (04:25:33 p.m.): I'm sorry man, but as much as the world and our lives may evolve, its a fucking feat that we've accomplished.
posthocproducto (04:25:38 p.m.): new stores in Sunset.
posthocproducto (04:25:52 p.m.): news feeds updating themselves.
posthocproducto (04:26:01 p.m.): changing locations.
posthocproducto (04:26:08 p.m.): different substances
posthocproducto (04:26:13 p.m.): different months.
Dandan1919 (04:26:12 p.m.): the worldi salways changing
Dandan1919 (04:26:24 p.m.): it's never going to stop for anyone
Dandan1919 (04:26:32 p.m.): it tooke me too long to realize this
Dandan1919 (04:26:37 p.m.): which is why im going back to lima
Dandan1919 (04:26:40 p.m.): tomorrow
posthocproducto (04:27:03 p.m.): the world won't change for you
posthocproducto (04:27:08 p.m.): it won't stop for you.
posthocproducto (04:27:33 p.m.): the world isn't going to change for me.
posthocproducto (04:27:42 p.m.): it isn't going to stop for me.
Dandan1919 (04:28:30 p.m.): i know
Dandan1919 (04:28:39 p.m.): it'ds eadly tragic
posthocproducto (04:28:58 p.m.): lets dig a bomb shelter and build a niche.
Dandan1919 (04:28:58 p.m.): which is why sometimes i feel like ive lost a chunk of myu life
posthocproducto (04:29:01 p.m.): build a home.
Dandan1919 (04:29:07 p.m.): YES
Dandan1919 (04:29:14 p.m.): i was talking to a friend about that the other day
Dandan1919 (04:29:21 p.m.): theres a movie about that
Dandan1919 (04:29:23 p.m.): or something like that
Dandan1919 (04:29:41 p.m.): cold war paranoia and stuff
Dandan1919 (04:29:53 p.m.): do you watch skins?
Dandan1919 (04:29:56 p.m.): don't watch skins
Dandan1919 (04:29:59 p.m.): its sad man
posthocproducto (04:30:32 p.m.): I'm going to do stupid and crazy shit over the next few weeks
Dandan1919 (04:30:51 p.m.): don't die
posthocproducto (04:30:52 p.m.): I'm going to have lunch with one of the most influential music artists in the world this week.
Dandan1919 (04:30:57 p.m.):
posthocproducto (04:31:01 p.m.): I'm going to Ultra.
posthocproducto (04:31:06 p.m.): I'm going to be moving.
posthocproducto (04:31:09 p.m.): everywhere
Dandan1919 (04:31:15 p.m.):
posthocproducto (04:31:20 p.m.): I'm not going to have a home.
Dandan1919 (04:31:27 p.m.): thats an awesome feeling
Dandan1919 (04:31:30 p.m.): if you do it right
posthocproducto (04:31:38 p.m.): I'll have a figurative one, if you don't mind.
Dandan1919 (04:31:40 p.m.): the whole worlds a soil
posthocproducto (04:32:45 p.m.): I'm going to fucking miss you.
posthocproducto (04:32:55 p.m.): from the moment I log off in two minutes
posthocproducto (04:33:12 p.m.): until the moment we both happen to pass one another again.
posthocproducto (04:33:22 p.m.): I doubt you feel the same way, but I could care less.
Dandan1919 (04:33:29 p.m.): dude
Dandan1919 (04:33:32 p.m.): you
posthocproducto (04:33:32 p.m.): just know that someone values you, more then their own life.
Dandan1919 (04:33:32 p.m.): have
Dandan1919 (04:33:34 p.m.): no idea
Dandan1919 (04:33:42 p.m.): <3
posthocproducto (04:35:16 p.m.): don't drive too far down the road, don't leave me behind.
posthocproducto (04:35:26 p.m.): whether its 3 days or 3 weeks.
Dandan1919 (04:35:53 p.m.): i promise
Dandan1919 (04:36:01 p.m.): and ill promise again
Dandan1919 (04:36:03 p.m.): when i read this
Dandan1919 (04:36:06 p.m.): when im not
Dandan1919 (04:36:08 p.m.): like
Dandan1919 (04:36:12 p.m.): when i
Dandan1919 (04:36:13 p.m.): can think
Dandan1919 (04:36:17 p.m.): fuck
posthocproducto (04:36:28 p.m.): you're cute as fuck not sober
posthocproducto (04:36:35 p.m.): I'm out
posthocproducto (04:36:37 p.m.): :3
posthocproducto (04:36:40 p.m.): bye <3
posthocproducto is offline (04:36:45 p.m.)
Your IM will be delivered when the buddy goes online.
i need help coming up with a tumblr blog title
something along the lines of having no home, traveling, and fuck, idk.
I SUCK AT TITLES